I Will Praise You In This Storm

The only consistent thing in my life right now is change. I can't complain too loudly though. I think the blessings and the trials are neck and neck to date, and they are both numerous. So rather than going on and on about what has happened in detail, I"m going to make a brief list.

1. Wayne has some mystery illness. Blood tests aren't showing anything out of the ordinary. his symptoms are all over the place. But on the whole he thinks he's getting better.
2. David has been acting out at school frequently. We are going to have to get counseling as a family. That's not a bad thing except that only the 1st 6 sessions are free through the school district. After that we're on our own. The school also thinks David may be bored in class since he is so smart. He will be getting tested for the gifted program.
3. Both my mom's father and stepfather have passed away in the last 40 days, It didn't come as a great shock since they were both well into their 90's. Both had health issues before the end. It's just a huge blow to deal with one right after the other. My only living grandparent is my 96 yr old grandmother- mom's side. I feel sad for her more than anyone else. I cannot fathom the grief she is having to endure. 
4. Money is so tight right now. My parents are taking on the brunt of our expenses. I have no idea how we are ever going to repay them. But, I know that the money itself is not the source of the anxiety and helplessness I feel. It is depression. I've struggled with it almost my whole life. These are the times when I have to let the reality of Christ override the lies my emotions are screaming at me. I cling to His promises like a drowning man to a lifeboat.  

There are no easy solutions for the problems we are facing these days. But, I know this:
The birds of the air and the lilies of the field are taken care of by my Heavenly Father. He loves me infinately more than they and will act accordingly to take care of me and my family. I have nothing to worry about. (Matthew 6:25-31 paraphrased)

"I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands. 'Cause You are who You are no matter where I am. Every tear I cry You hold in Your hand... Though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

Caution: Construction Zone

This is not the blog post I had intended to write. I wanted to start off the year with some theology from Matthew 7. God knows I'm no theologian. I started this post about a week ago with the idea that life is like a house and that sometimes in order to make a few improvements, you have to knock out walls and that sort of thing.  But, after the last couple of weeks,  I've had to rethink that analogy. Here is the text:
"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." Matthew 7:24-25 (ESV)
The thought that keeps coming back to me is that, within the context of the whole Bible, God (Jesus) is not just the foundation but also the Owner of the house. The One that controls the wind and the rains also holds the keys to my life. I'm sure that isn't a new concept to some. I think I may have heard a teaching or two on this very idea. It is meant to give us comfort when the storm clouds gather. 
Anyway, scripture often describes believers as temples(homes) of the Holy Spirit.
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own." 1 Corinthians 6:19 (ESV)
Verse 20 goes on to say that "you were bought with a price." I have to say that this passage is set within the context of sexual immorality. But I think the implication of this text is far greater than that. Jesus has bought and paid the mortgage on my life with his sacrifice. 
So, if He's the owner, what does that make me?   
I say all that so I can say this: If God is the foundation of my life and the keeper of my soul, I need to trust that he is not going to let the floods carry me away. But even more importantly, I have to accept the renovations that sometimes need to take place. I have to just step aside and let the Foreman do his job.
Do you ever feel like your world has been gutted out like a cheap mobile home?
I am almost ashamed to admit that fear and depression have slowly made their way into my house. I left the front door open for the flood. I'm not the only one either. The stress my husband has had to endure is now making him sick. I will be very surprised if he doesn't have an ulcer by the end of this. 
Here's why.
It has been nearly 3 months since my husband has had a paycheck. The really hurtful part is that he had a job for 2 of those months. The company never paid him for one reason or another. Even worse was that we believed the lies they fed us up until my husband was fired for a mistake that anyone there could have made. Weeks and weeks of stress were piling up all the while. There was some amount of relief when he was let go. But, by that point, the damage was done.
The drama still continues to unfold.
I don't know if there is going to be a happy ending in the near future. The State of NM has finally stepped in to go after this corporate jerk. The process may take years to see results and, more importantly, the lost income.
The foundation still holds firm.
 The hope I have has not left me completely. A rebuild is already in progress. I am still able to see God working even in the midst of my struggles. Recognizing the small blessings in life has helped me keep what's left of my sanity. And after all, we still have food on the table and a roof over our heads.